so vast difference

its an imaginary act of comparing two different characters. its a simple attempt to write a Haawa blog.

hi, forgive me for i am gonna compare you with someone else and if its found to be wrong u can correct it your way.

you are who gets this message but she is the one who is unaware of this.

you are there always in my touch but she is there always thirsting for my touch.

you are simple girl aiming at being a popular one but she is a simple girl hidden somewhere else.

you are liked and wanted by many but no one likes and wants her the way she likes except me.

you want me for you have seen just the positive points of me but she wants me even accepting my bad points.

you have been with me only in my good days but she has been with me in every good and bad days.

you have been familiar with my good habits only but she has been familiar with my bad habits too.

you may not be with me if i hurt you the way i hurt her but she has been with me disregarding those hurts.

you may not be able to tolerate my mood swings but she has always been the victim of my mood swings.

you wait for me because you need me but she waits for me because she thinks that someday i need her.

you are crazy just to get me but she is crazy just to love me.

you want something in return of your love but she loves me without any expectation.

you think and act by mind but she thinks and acts by her heart.

you may not accept me if i come back after when i leave you hurt but she always welcomes me forgetting those hurts.

you have pleased me in many ways but she has been irritating to me many times.

you may be familiar and be involved in my family but she has been familiar and be involved in my world in deed.

there is possibility of your leaving me if you find something bad in me and if you find someone more interesting than me but she has been with me even after she knows my bad habits and even from among the very smart personalities.

you may stop loving me if you find me being interested in other but her love for me has not faded away though i show interest on other avoiding her.

you want to be my single lover and no girls wanting or following me but she does not care how many girls are interested in me for she loves me unconditionally.

you help me and wish for my best because u think i to be your man so i must be successful but she helps me and wishes for my best without caring who i belong to.

i am happy now to be with you but she had always been unwanted person for me.

you have been loved truly by me but she was always used for my personal interests.

there is mutual understanding and mutual love between you and me but there used to be always quarrel and debate between she and me.

you are smart and clever so i always have praises for you but she being an innocent and foolish, i always have blames and satires for her.

you think i must be with you and be yours and so u love me but she loves me even from very far distance and even if i dont belong to her.

you love me conditionally because you want to get my love in return but she loves me unconditionally for she leaves me free.

you are the winner that you have got my love in return but she is the winner that she has loved me the way no one has done.

you are strong enough for you have been loved but she is the courageous enough for she has loved someone.

you may be my life partner till i live but she is my soul mate who exists in me for every birth.

तिमी कहाँ म कहाँ , तिमी आउने आशमा

तिमिलाई पाएँ ठुलो प्रयास पछी
तर गुमाउन पनि बेर लागेन
अरु हरु सँग हुन्थ्यौ तिमी र त तिमीलाई पाउने चाहना थियो तर म सँग तिमीलाई आफ्नो बनाउने हैसियत थिएन
धेरै जोड गरे पछी जब म तिम्रो लायक भएको महसुस गरे तब कत्तिबेर पनि नरुकी तिमीलाई लिन भनी दोउडिएँ
त्यो बेला म तिमीलाई पाउन यती हतारिएकी थिएकी तिम्रो बाहिरी आवरण जुन मैले चाहे अनुसार थिएन त्यस्को पनि बेवास्ता गरेर तिमीलाई मेरो घर लिएर आएँ
घर ल्याइयो तिमीलाई खुशी हर्सोल्लाश छाएको थियो हाम्रो घरमा
म बाहिर जान्थे आफ्नो काममा तिमीलाई पनि साथै लान चाहन्थे तर डराउथें कतै तिमीलाई मेरो केही कृयाकलाप हरु ले चोट पुग्लाकी भनेर
तिमिलाई धेरै अगाडि देखी चाहेकी थिए तर तिम्रा हरेक भावना बुझ्न सक्ने गरी तिमी सँग त्यती नजिक भएकी थीइन त्यसैले तिमीलाई मेरो साथ लिएर हिंड्न डराउथें र अरु कोही जो तिम्रा भावना सँग केही मात्रा मा पारीचित थियो उनिहरुको साथ लागेर तिम्रो समिप्यता खोज्थेँ
यसै गरी बीस्तारै तिम्रो नजिक हुँदै गर्दा अब कोही अरु बिनानै तिम्रो साथमा हिंड्न थालें
कुनै बेला अन्जान मै तिमीलाई चोट पुग्दा म धेरै दुखी हुन्थे
तिम्रो साथ मेरो लागि आनन्ददायी हुन्थ्यो तिमी मेरो गौरब मेरो शान थियौ
तिम्रो साथ रहँदा म आफुलाई निकै भाग्यमानी महसुस गर्थें
मेरो जिबनको अप्ठ्याराहरुमा तिम्रो साथ हुन्थ्यो, तिमी सँग को यात्राा सजिलो हुनेगर्थ्यो
तिमी सँग हुँदा दुनियाँ सँग बेखबर रहेर तिमी मै हराएकी हुन्थे तिमी नै मेरो साहस थियौ अनी तिमी नै मेरो प्रेरणा
तिम्रो आगमन पछी नयाँ नयाँ मिठा मिठा सपना सजाउन थालेकीथिए
चिन्ताले भरिएको मेरो जिबनमा खुशीका बहार हरु आउन थालेका थिए
anaayashai ठुलो भुमरी आयो अनी तिमी कता म कता भयौं
तिम्रो साथ चाहने अरु पनि थिए
तिमीहरु उनिहरु सँगै म बाट टाढा कतै लाग्यौ
मैले तिम्रो कमी महसुस गर्नु त स्वाभाबिक नै थियो साथै तिमी पहिलो पल्ट बाहिर गएको थियौ त तिमीलाई के होला कस्तो होला भनेर पिर पनि लागिरहेको थियो
तिमी मलाई छोडि गएको २० घण्टा पनि भएको थिएन शायद , मलाई तिमी घाइते भएर अस्पाताल मा रहेको खबर आयो
तिम्रो शरीर भरी चोट अनी केही अँग हरु टुटेका छन रे
मलाई माफ गर साथी म तिम्रो त्यस्तो अवस्था देख्न नसक्ने भएर अाइन
तिमीलाई अस्पाताल बाट ठीक पारेर निकाल्न पनि मलाई समस्या परिरहेको छ
म तिमीलाई भेट्न अाइन त के भयो? म तिम्रो उपचारको लागि नै खटिएकी छु
तिम्रो उपचारको लागि बाहिर बाट डाक्टर बोलाउनु पर्ने भएको छ
म तिमी बिना धेरै दिन बस्न चाहन्न त्यसैले तिमिलाई जती सक्दो चाँडो सकुशल घर ल्याउने कसरत गर्दैछु
हाम्रो भेट हुने दिन आउन धेरै छैन प्रिय।
अब हाम्रो सिघ्र मिलन को कामना गर्दैछु

MY EXPERIENCES WITH THE CLOUD

We were brought up in a joint family so we children were large in the number even in a single family. Parents did not have excess time to play with us so we used to play ourselves different types of games. Most of the time we used to play indoor games like LUDO, BHAADAKUTI, BAAGHCHAAl, GATTI etcetera. Outdoor games such as CHAL KABADDI, KABARDI, CHIPLETI over the slope near to the bank of the Dhyangri khola, playing with the dragonfly, EK KHUTTE, KUTUNIBUDHI were most popular among us. We used to create new games ourselves and play in very friendly environment. Our Parents say that despite being more in number we never troubled them for we used to play ourselves and even if we quarrel with each other sometime we used to manage the dispute ourselves without letting our parents know about this.After when we get tired of all these games we used to look at the clouds in the sky and observe the changing shapes of the clouds.
There is a saying that our forefathers who are already in the heaven look at us in the form of the cloud. We used to think there was god in the cloud who looks after us, protects us in our difficulty and punishes us if we do any mischief. I was a bit more dreamer; a sort of sentimental than other so I used to be lost in my own world while viewing the clouds. My grandma used to tell us different stories about prince and princess. Where a prince fights with many people and takes his beloved princess out of that trouble and takes her to the heaven and live there happily forever. I forgot almost all stories and story titles. Only one of them that I remember is BAAYUPANKHI GHODA. I used to think someone who is very caring to us or who is the prince of our dream comes to us from the way of clouds or through the clouds. Whenever I used to look at the clouds in the sky, most of the time I used to dream of that special person I mean the prince of my dream to come through the clouds. Cloud was supposed to be the means through which my prince would come to me and take me to his beautiful world.
I was so small at that time that I did not have any idea what love/ affection really is but since I was influenced by the fairy tales told by my grandma, I used to dream of someone coming to my life through the clouds.
As I grew older, I stopped looking at the sky for clouds because I have met the cloud in the earth and it is to some extent similar to my childhood cloud. It made me see dream, fall in love with it and be lost in it devoting myself to it. Like the sky clouds it keeps changing its shape i.e. its mood keeps swinging and I am familiar to all its moods. Sometimes it is very sweet that I like to hold it with me forever and sometimes it is so rude that it ignores my feelings and avoids my presence. Yet, I keep loving it and wanting for it. I remember those moments of my childhood days when I used to think how does rain fall, why does black dense clouds disappear and white calm cloud appear after raining and why do clouds produce horrible sound and lightning. Now I know why does that all happen.
Naturally the clouds are formed when water from different sources gets evaporated by the sun and the water vapor goes up. In the atmosphere the water vapor gets mixed with the dust particles and that mass of water vapor and dust particles form the cloud. Clouds float over the sky and is taken here and there by the wind. Cloud does not move itself but it is moved by the wind. And while moving, when it reaches to the cold places, water vapor contained in it condenses and changes into water and thus rain falls. So cloud needs to be cooled for the rain fall.
My cloud is also in the state of thundering and lightning. It does not have a fixed destination. It keeps moving wherever wind takes it to. It becomes free of its instability only when it condenses and rain falls. It needs the company of that person who can take it to the cold place where it gets favorable environment to cool itself and show it the way to its destination. It came in contact with so many people but none could cool it, none could understand its problem. Everyone pointed fingers towards it, blaming it, giving it various bad names but no one could understand it. It cannot reach to its destination until it gets a good companion. I tried to hold it forever, I tried to be its good companion but I could not cool it just because I am not cold enough to cool it. I could never understand it and so now I am losing it. For me it is like that sky cloud that I can see from very far distance but cannot reach to it. I cannot touch it nor can I feel it. Sometimes it appears very far in the sky and I start dreaming again of the life with it but no longer have I become happy, it disappears disregarding my feelings and dreams. Though there is no hope of its returning to my life, I wait for its arrival.
My experiences with different natures cloud are also different. When I was small, I used to dream of someone coming to me through cloud, and so I used to look at the clouds but when I grew up, I found the cloud itself and started dreaming of the same cloud to be in my life forever. When I was small, I viewed the cloud in different moods and it appeared to me accordingly to my mood but now the cloud presents itself to me in accordance with its mood. My childhood cloud was obviously from the different world but I could feel it in me. This cloud is from my own world but it's like from different world. It neither takes me to its world nor comes to my world. It took me to some distance with it and left me in the mid way. Now I can neither return to my previous world not it takes me to its world. But I still wish for its good. May God bless it with lots of happiness.
I wish it rains one day and I could wet myself in its rain. I wish it would rain heavily. Then it can pour its burdens, worries, bad memories over something along with the rindrops and will be free of everything. And then it will have a fixed determination in its life. Good luck to it.

गजल

-प्रयास घिमिरे
नजिकिने वाहाना थियो उनीसँग बोलें मैले
डराई डराई लजाई लजाई मनको कुरा खोलें मैले

आँखाभित्र बसिन् उनी पहिलोे भेटको प्रभाव यो
दिनको चैन रातको नीद उनकै नाम छोडें मैले

भीड पनि एक्लो लाग्छ उनीसँग भेटेदेखि
साथीभाई आफन्त नातागोता तोडें मैले

जवाफ पर्खी बितेका छन् तड्पाईमा हरेक पल
मुस्कान हो या विभाजन खतरालाई मोलें मैले

हिकहिकाईमा तिमीलाई सम्झँदा

लहरी घिमिरे

छुटेका थियौं तातो हात मिलाएर प्रिये
केवल एकैक्षणको त्यो नींद जस्तोे मीठो याद
आज फेरी कोशौं दूर यो प्रदेशमा, दुश्मनको सीमानामा
चिसो राइफलको वेंड समाएर तिमीलाई सम्भि्करहेंछु
पत्र यहाँबाट कहाँ जाने महिनौं दिनमा पुग्ला कि हराउला
बरु वाडुलिमा हिकहिक गर पिये, पानी पिउँदै मलाई सम्झ केवल नींदमा
सपनामा भेट भए त्यो विहान कस्तो आनन्द आउला!
प्रतिक्षा गर प्रिये
वर्ष दिन बिताएर छुऒ्ढी काट्न आउँला
तिमीलाई मनपर्ने बुट्टेदार चोलि फरिया ल्याइदिउँला
आमा र बहिनीलाई एउटा चिनो अनि सासुलाई बर्को
र भनिदिनु ज्वाईं आउनेछ आउने दशैंमा!

म आएपछि फेरी प्रिये हाट भर्न जाउँला
तिम्रो सुकोमल हातभरी सुनको चुरी, औंठी बनाइदिउँला
तिम्रा रहरमा जम्मा चीज।
अनि म स्वयं म रहर रहर भै दिनेछु
हो त भेटको पुनीत अवसर कसरी झल्कन्छ आँसुमा
त्यो सुखद क्षणको परिभाषा दिएर!
अब फरी त्यो खुशीको क्षण, त्यो मिलनको दिन
पर्खंदै बस प्रिये
जीवन एक पर्खाइ न हो, जीवन एक आशा न हो, जीवन एक संघर्ष न हो
यसैले हामी ज्यादै आशावादी छौं, यसैले हामी ज्यादै संघर्षशील छौं।
निराशा त एक मृत्यु हो जो लिन हुन्न कदाचित
जो दुखदायी पनि छ।
वस् प्रिये तिमो हिकहिकाईमा यति सम्झे
म सन्तुष्टिको स्वास फेर्ने थिएँ
सायद म पनि हिकहिकाउँदै तिम्रो प्रेमको उत्तर पाउने थिएँ।
अस्तु!
उही तिम्रो

exams and result

there is no secret to success. it entirely depends on how best effort we put on our works and the best result is the outcome of our best deeds. how much time we spend for making our deeds best that much pleasure we get on knowing the result. that is what my exam result has shown me today. though i had no expectation of good result, some what bitter feeling troubled me after i heard my number not being in merit list. had i worked hard and put my best effort on my study at the time i needed for my exam, i would not have been in this situation today. anyways, the only way to convince myself is by saying FAILURE IS WHAT MOTIVES US FOR SUCCESS. the condition i was in at the time when i was appearing for my exam was so tough that this failure is the certain fact.

i was busy in my job and at the same time i was a bit distressed about my life itself and so it was obvious that my exam was being ruined.

True Love

This is a story about the love between husband and wife. This is from "Gift Of The Magi" by O.Henry. It is about a young married couple called Della and Jim who are poor and live a barely furnished rented apartment. It is the day before Christmas and they have both been working out what to give each other to show their love. The wife, Della, wants to give her husband a watch chain to give with the gold watch he inherited from his grandfather, which he is very proud of. She finds it costs $21 and all she has is $1.87. She decides that the only thing to do is to sell her beautiful brown hair, which is so long it rreaaches to her knees. In whatever country or culturre, a woman's hair means almost as much as life itself to her. But Della makes the sacrifice, seliing the hair to a wigmaker, and she buys a platinum watch chain with the money.
Her heart pounding with excitement, she waits for her husband tto come home. He returns at last, and when he sees her, he is dumbfounded. The present he has brought for hrer is a pair of beautiful tortoiseshell combs to wear in her long hair. Della assures him that her hair will grow long again in no time and holds out her hand with the platinum watch chain gleaming in it. Jim collapses on the couch, then says with a smile, "Dell, let's put our christmas presents away and keep them a while. They're too nice to use just now. I sold the watch to get the moneyy to buy your combs."
Source: The NSGI Times, Dr. Daisssaku Ikeda (SGI president)