We were brought up in a joint family so we children were large in the number even in a single family. Parents did not have excess time to play with us so we used to play ourselves different types of games. Most of the time we used to play indoor games like LUDO, BHAADAKUTI, BAAGHCHAAl, GATTI etcetera. Outdoor games such as CHAL KABADDI, KABARDI, CHIPLETI over the slope near to the bank of the Dhyangri khola, playing with the dragonfly, EK KHUTTE, KUTUNIBUDHI were most popular among us. We used to create new games ourselves and play in very friendly environment. Our Parents say that despite being more in number we never troubled them for we used to play ourselves and even if we quarrel with each other sometime we used to manage the dispute ourselves without letting our parents know about this.After when we get tired of all these games we used to look at the clouds in the sky and observe the changing shapes of the clouds.
There is a saying that our forefathers who are already in the heaven look at us in the form of the cloud. We used to think there was god in the cloud who looks after us, protects us in our difficulty and punishes us if we do any mischief. I was a bit more dreamer; a sort of sentimental than other so I used to be lost in my own world while viewing the clouds. My grandma used to tell us different stories about prince and princess. Where a prince fights with many people and takes his beloved princess out of that trouble and takes her to the heaven and live there happily forever. I forgot almost all stories and story titles. Only one of them that I remember is BAAYUPANKHI GHODA. I used to think someone who is very caring to us or who is the prince of our dream comes to us from the way of clouds or through the clouds. Whenever I used to look at the clouds in the sky, most of the time I used to dream of that special person I mean the prince of my dream to come through the clouds. Cloud was supposed to be the means through which my prince would come to me and take me to his beautiful world.
I was so small at that time that I did not have any idea what love/ affection really is but since I was influenced by the fairy tales told by my grandma, I used to dream of someone coming to my life through the clouds.
As I grew older, I stopped looking at the sky for clouds because I have met the cloud in the earth and it is to some extent similar to my childhood cloud. It made me see dream, fall in love with it and be lost in it devoting myself to it. Like the sky clouds it keeps changing its shape i.e. its mood keeps swinging and I am familiar to all its moods. Sometimes it is very sweet that I like to hold it with me forever and sometimes it is so rude that it ignores my feelings and avoids my presence. Yet, I keep loving it and wanting for it. I remember those moments of my childhood days when I used to think how does rain fall, why does black dense clouds disappear and white calm cloud appear after raining and why do clouds produce horrible sound and lightning. Now I know why does that all happen.
Naturally the clouds are formed when water from different sources gets evaporated by the sun and the water vapor goes up. In the atmosphere the water vapor gets mixed with the dust particles and that mass of water vapor and dust particles form the cloud. Clouds float over the sky and is taken here and there by the wind. Cloud does not move itself but it is moved by the wind. And while moving, when it reaches to the cold places, water vapor contained in it condenses and changes into water and thus rain falls. So cloud needs to be cooled for the rain fall.
My cloud is also in the state of thundering and lightning. It does not have a fixed destination. It keeps moving wherever wind takes it to. It becomes free of its instability only when it condenses and rain falls. It needs the company of that person who can take it to the cold place where it gets favorable environment to cool itself and show it the way to its destination. It came in contact with so many people but none could cool it, none could understand its problem. Everyone pointed fingers towards it, blaming it, giving it various bad names but no one could understand it. It cannot reach to its destination until it gets a good companion. I tried to hold it forever, I tried to be its good companion but I could not cool it just because I am not cold enough to cool it. I could never understand it and so now I am losing it. For me it is like that sky cloud that I can see from very far distance but cannot reach to it. I cannot touch it nor can I feel it. Sometimes it appears very far in the sky and I start dreaming again of the life with it but no longer have I become happy, it disappears disregarding my feelings and dreams. Though there is no hope of its returning to my life, I wait for its arrival.
My experiences with different natures cloud are also different. When I was small, I used to dream of someone coming to me through cloud, and so I used to look at the clouds but when I grew up, I found the cloud itself and started dreaming of the same cloud to be in my life forever. When I was small, I viewed the cloud in different moods and it appeared to me accordingly to my mood but now the cloud presents itself to me in accordance with its mood. My childhood cloud was obviously from the different world but I could feel it in me. This cloud is from my own world but it's like from different world. It neither takes me to its world nor comes to my world. It took me to some distance with it and left me in the mid way. Now I can neither return to my previous world not it takes me to its world. But I still wish for its good. May God bless it with lots of happiness.
I wish it rains one day and I could wet myself in its rain. I wish it would rain heavily. Then it can pour its burdens, worries, bad memories over something along with the rindrops and will be free of everything. And then it will have a fixed determination in its life. Good luck to it.
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